For most college students spring break means booze, bikinis and the beach. Well, that is only if said college students possess cash, a car and the capability to talk to girls without blowing chunks. Being that I am part of the latter group, I will most likely be spending my spring break much as I did last year. All I really know of what happened last year is what I can piece together from my roommate’s account. I was found unconscious in front of the television, unshaven, wearing week-old clothes and only one sock, with a PlayStation 2 controller in hand. The only evidence of my activities during the previous week was empty macaroni and cheese boxes littered throughout the apartment and a Need for Speed game on the television screen. I have to say, it did not sound all bad.

In hopes of not repeating Spring Break 2005, I have set some goals for Spring Break 2006. (Goals are also set to somehow take my mind off of my terrible March Madness bracket failure.)

I have thought about learning a new language. English is getting a bit trite. (See, I used the word trite. I got this thing mastered.) Remembering my grade in Mrs. Illidge’s class, I have decided not to try Spanish. Sanskrit seems like a reasonable choice. So what if it is a 5,000-year-old dead language. Do you know anyone who is fluent in Sanskrit? Exactly-I would be an instant hit at any party. On second thought, learning a new language would require me to actually leave my apartment and read a book. Looks like that is not going to happen.

Taking up a new sport would be a good way to pass time during spring break. Golf has always intrigued me. Truthfully, it is not actually golf that intrigues me. It is grass. I love acres and acres of expertly-manicured grass. Now that I think about it, I can just look out of my window and see grass, and I would have to buy a lot of equipment to play golf. Sounds like another idea down the drain.

I could pick up that dusty guitar in the corner of my room and learn a few new things. Everybody likes someone who can play a mean six-string. If I really get my chops up, I could start a band and go on tour. I could definitely make it as a rock star. I have the looks and the attitude. Well, really I don’t have the attitude, and unless the look is “clothes my mom bought on sale at Old Navy,” I don’t have that either. My prospects are looking low.

There is always the old standby of meeting new people. I am about to graduate and have not met nearly the number of interesting people in college I thought I would have. All of the stereotypes I see in the movies are not really stopping by my apartment. The only people I see are the same old sports-addicted, class-failing, unwashed lowlifes I was hanging around with in high school. I need a new crew. I need to surround my self with intellectuals and free thinkers. So, where can I find these new intriguing people? Oh yeah, outside of my apartment. I guess the guys I hang around with now are not so bad.

Well, my pantry is stocked with macaroni and cheese, and I hear that new Godfather game is supposed to be good. Maybe my break will turn out a little better than last year’s.