You’ve been saving up months to buy that sweater. You know, the one you’ve been eyeing through the store window. The one you spotted that celebrity wearing in a magazine once. Everyone seems to have one but you. And now, after months of hard labor and penny-pinching, you’ve finally earned just enough to take that sweater off its velvety rack and place it into a bag and later into your closet, which is already filled to capacity. Love is nothing like shopping. We can eye a man for months, save up all the guts, confidence or other miscellaneous positive attributes, and yet, we are never guaranteed anything in return. Clothes will be there no matter what. They may not be the most flattering for your figure or the most comfortable articles of attire, but they don’t lie to you, walk out on you or cheat on you. As long as that article of clothing is in existence, it will continue to linger in your closet, waiting to be worn. You, my friend, will forever wear the pants in that relationship.

In writing this column, I’ve had both the privilege and the burden of digging deep into some of the emotions I put away a long time ago. I’ve recalled some painful memories, but I’ve also resurfaced some moments I’ve missed. And in doing so, I learned something about love and life I never realized before-the best things come along when you stop looking.

Unlike shopping, it’s not always best to eye the same man for months and invest all your hopes and dreams in the scarce possibility that this person will reciprocate. Unlike shopping, we cannot find a man and have the comfort that he will be there forever. Unlike shopping, there are not 15 of the same guy out there, leaving room for another woman to snag the one you want while still ensuring 14 more remain. Unlike shopping, love has no guarantees.

Sadly, women have much less control over the relationships they engage in than the clothes they buy. However, as difficult as it seems to find a good guy and despite the constant struggle to stay afloat in this “ocean of opportunity” our parents keep telling us about (“There’s more fish in the sea!”), the right relationship and Mr. Perfect-for-you does exist. There are guys that can hold your hand, kiss you goodnight and twirl your hair…and mean it. Clothing, on the other hand, will never stare you lovingly in the eyes and tell you you’re beautiful, as much of a boost to our confidence that would be.

But truthfully, you won’t find that kind of man on display, openly single and waiting for you, and only you, to swoop along and snag him. If it were that easy, eHarmony would be out of business and no one would be making a big deal out of Edward Cullen.

Thus, as a person who has experienced love, loss and lunacy, I’m telling all my readers to stop looking. Stop searching for that perfect guy. Stop analyzing every man (or woman) that walks within a 10-yard radius of you, contemplating whether he is relationship or marriage material. Stop trying to find love around every corner. Let it find you and save that type of prowling for the mall.