After participating in the “Burrito Challenge” at La Palma restaurant, I was suddenly “inspired” to figure out where the best bathroom at Nicholls was located. As I traveled the campus, putting my health at great risk, I decided to rank the bathrooms on three factors: cleanliness, isolation and sink ratio to toilets and urinals. I have given each of these three categories a one to five “flushes” ranking, one being the worst and five being the best. After ranking each category, I added the numbers to get the final scores. Cleanliness: While nobody expects the bathrooms on a campus to be sparkling like it’s been visited by Mr. Clean, they shouldn’t look like Chernobyl either.

Isolation: I don’t require a bathroom on campus to have tumbleweeds blowing through it like a western ghost town, but I also don’t want to use one that has a Starbucks-sized line.

Sink Ratio: Yes, you only need one sink to wash your hands, but seeing multiple sinks makes me think the chances of others using them will be higher.

If you happened to see some guy stalking the bathrooms throughout the week, it was probably me, but then again it might have just been some creepy guy. I would like to reassure the female readers that I only surveyed the men’s rooms. I will not be able to give an accurate ranking for the women’s, but you may be able to use the men’s room ranking to guide you in your decision. Oh, and I did use quite a bit of hand sanitizer before I started writing this. That being said, I present to you my “Toilet Talk 2010” list.

Goaux Hall (near the Department of Applied Sciences)
Cleanliness: four flushes
Isolation: two flushes
Sink Ratio: one flush
Total: seven flushes
Final Thought: This is one of the cleaner bathrooms that I came across, but the sink situation is a little weird. Check it out and you’ll see what I mean.

Ellender Memorial Library (third floor)
Cleanliness: three flushes
Isolation: four flushes
Sink Ratio: two flushes
Total: nine flushes
Final Thought: This bathroom is a hidden gem. Not a lot of traffic through here.

Student Union (across from LeBijou Theater)
Cleanliness: two flushes
Isolation: one flush
Sink Ratio: three flushes
Total: six flushes
Final Thought: Way too much foot traffic in this bathroom.

Talbot Hall (by KNSU)
Cleanliness: three flushes
Isolation: three flushes
Sink Ratio: one flush
Total: seven flushes
Final Thought: I personally approve of any bathroom with a “gentlemen” sign above it. Any bathroom that makes you feel like you should be wearing a top hat, cane and monocle to enter is a winner.

Stopher Gym (by entrance on Acadia Drive)
Cleanliness: one flush
Isolation: three flushes
Sink Ratio: one flush
Total: five flushes
Final thought: As soon as you walk through the outer door, you are smacked with another door directly to the right, giving it the appearance of being designed by Willy Wonka himself. It has a very disturbing feeling to it once you make it inside. Dark, dank and cramped, it has it all. It’s the closest thing to a prison camp on campus.

Polk Hall (first floor)
Cleanliness: three flushes
Isolation: three flushes
Sink Ratio: three flushes
Total: nine flushes
Final Thought: If you can get past the reminiscent feeling of walking down a poorly lit alley in a bad neighborhood, it’s not so bad.

Peltier Hall (first floor, facing the quadrangle)
Cleanliness: three flushes
Isolation: one flush
Sink Ratio: two flushes
Total: six flushes
Final Thought: I applaud them for the humorous sign in the first stall. It is equipped with a bull’s-eye and the words “improve your aim, raise the seat.”

Beauregard Hall (down the right corridor, across from the Marine Biology Laboratory)
Cleanliness: five flushes
Isolation: four flushes
Sink Ratio: three flushes
Total: twelve flushes
Final Thought: While this one may seem to be the “epic bathroom” on campus, in all fairness, it is a new building. Only time will tell if it stays pristine or turns “crappy.” Yes, pun intended.

Elkins Hall (on Picciola Hall side)
Cleanliness: three flushes
Isolation: four flushes
Sink Ratio: two flushes
Total: nine flushes
Final Thought: It is a well-rounded bathroom.

Candies Hall (facing Hwy 1)
Cleanliness: four flushes
Isolation: three flushes
Sink Ratio: two flushes
Total: nine flushes
Final Thought: Another one of those hidden treasures.

So, when it comes down to it, I would have to give my overall endorsement to Ellender Memorial Library’s third floor bathroom. It has a good combination of all the essential elements.

I have braved the bathrooms of Nicholls to bring you this detailed list. I hope it will serve you all well.

Would I do it again?

No!