It seems Facebook is set to completely change the atmosphere on campus and the lives of those therein. Who knows what could happen now that it is public knowledge that Damian Breaux, Student Government Association president, likes “Spaceballs” and reading on the john? Could serious problems arise when members of Brunettes are Sexier happen upon the members of Life is Better Blonde in front of the student union?Nicholls students are already active on this new outlet for seeking information about friends and acquaintances. Members have been spreading messages about meetings and parties, linking to distant pals, organizing study groups and basically wasting time.

But, before we get too deep into this new fad, it may be necessary to establish some basic ground rules. By following these guidelines, you too can have a safe and enjoyable (and stalker free) experience on Facebook.

Take It Seriously

Be clear. Facebook is soon to become the solitary indicator of your social status at Nicholls. The more friends on your list, the more popular are. That is the bottom line. Just remember, your picture, profile and friend network selections could be the most important decisions you make this semester. You do not want to be sitting at home alone on Thursday nights again this semester, do you?

Selecting a Picture

Search long. Search hard. It is not called Facebook for nothing. It is the first thing prospective friends (refer back to rule one) will see.

If you cannot locate a respectable photo, I suggest making an appointment at Glamorshots or, in the most desperate situations, using someone else’s picture. Most importantly, no senior pictures please. We are in college now.

Profile Building

Spell your name correctly because that mistake can happen. Do not lie about your age because it is too easy to check. List at least two concentrations of study because it makes you look smarter. Do not list all of your contact information because it will seem too desperate and can lead to stalking.

When selecting what to list under interests, favorite movies, favorite music, favorite books and favorite quotes, totally disregard your actual opinions in favor for whatever is popular this week. And finally, when filling in the section “About Me:,” just lie.

Joining Groups

Join between 10 to 15 groups as soon as you register. It exposes your expertly designed profile to the masses and could get you an instant invite to an online organized party. Be careful. Stay away from groups that are too polarized. For example, do not join a group based solely on religion, ethnicity or a sports team (excluding Nicholls). No need to offend and exclude potential friends (refer back to rule one).

Friendship Invitations

The number of friends on your list will be directly related to your campus coolness quotient in the coming months. It is imperative that you invite every single Nicholls student that you know, have ever known or hope to know in the future.

Invite that guy who lived on your floor freshman year who ate goldfish for cash. Invite the girl who you make eye contact with everyday in front the Union. Invite the guy you called a no-good, dirty, rotten pantywaist at that party last year when you had too much to drink. Do not worry; they will not reject you because they want friends too (refer back to rule one).

Receiving Messages and Invitations

Return every message and accept every invitation, no matter the situation. You want more friends, and this is the best approach. The key is to wait at least 24 hours before answering. Although you want to seem popular, you do not want to seem overzealous.

Also, never check your messages at a public computer to avoid looking obsessive or stalker-like. Only check messages alone at your personal computer while in a dark room and underneath a blanket.

Poking

Poking should be used mainly in a flirtatious context. If your best friend from high school keeps poking you, it can get weird and just plain annoying.

That being said, poking can be used as an excellent icebreaker and a great way to express interest in talking to someone of the opposite sex without having to actually come up with something to say. This function should be approached with caution because some people do not enjoy being poked suddenly. Sometimes dinner and a movie are needed before a good poking.