As I sit here writing this, my head is pounding, my heart is thumping and my hands are quivering. The fact that I’m hitting the right keys is astounding.
I feel anxious. Nervous. Very jumpy.
And it’s all because I o.d.’ed this weekend.
My drug of choice is so accessible. You don’t need an ID to purchase it, but you should.
I tried to quit once before. I honestly did, but human willpower is a funny thing. Every now and then, I get tempted. Sometimes I have no choice.
So, this weekend, I caved. I ingested caffeine.
Caffeine is one of the most addictive, physically damaging drugs on the market. Nearly everyone uses it in some form or other.
Until last semester, I used it mildly enough. A Coke at lunch, an iced tea with dinner, the occasional piece of candy.
As the semester wore on and stresses piled up, I started noticing that something was physically wrong with me.
Sometimes I would be moving, talking or standing up, or even just trying to fall asleep at night when it would happen — a quick, fluttering skipped heartbeat. Or two. Once, it probably was the equivalent of four beats.
It did not cause pain. It made me catch my breath and feel a need to sit. People would suddenly turn with a frightened look as I clutched my chest. “Are you okay?”
“I’ll be fine,” I’d muster with a smile.
I was scared. I’d never had anything seriously wrong with me before. What if I was dying?
I went to a doctor. He asked me if I drank, smoked or used drugs. He looked puzzled when I answered, “Never, No way, Oh, God no!”
“Are you stressed?”
Was I stressed… I’m a college student, the editor of a newspaper and was in “Dracula” at the time.
He settled back in his chair, thought for a moment, and said, “What about your caffeine intake?”
As it turned out, my relatively low caffeine intake, combined with my soaring stress levels, was creating a problem.
I was not dying, thankfully (although I guess it depends on whom you ask). I just needed to cut back on stress and caffeine.
Simple enough, right? I invested in caffeine free soft drinks (not too bad, but I crave the real thing sometimes). “Dracula” ended. The last issue of the paper came out. Exams ended. Stress went down.
I was doing well enough with my caffeine intake, but most places do not offer “caffeine free” varieties of drinks. I’m picky when it comes to ordering water in restaurants. After a trip to a local taco eatery, I learned they no longer carry Hawaiian Punch. This was almost as devastating as when I discovered a local establishment discontinued the pitas.
I discovered I was more relaxed and that I started sleeping better once I quit the caffeine. In fact, when we had our workshop at the start of the semester, several coworkers commented on the good mood I was in and on how relaxed I seemed.
But this weekend, I went out for coffee with some friends. I used to be addicted to the frozen coffee this place served, and I thought, well, one can’t hurt.
I also went to a movie, but you just can’t have popcorn without a nice cold Coke. I had iced tea at a restaurant. I had a second one at another restaurant. I even ate a brownie.
By Saturday night, I was shaking. I could barely think. I was very uptight (moreso than usual). I felt ill. My head hurt. My heart skipped several times, and as of Monday night, it was still skipping.
It took a good 24 hours to detox.
You may find caffeine to be a quick pick-me-up for late study nights, or for the morning after, but it is not worth it. Don’t just quit cold-turkey, though; wean yourself off of the drug. I tried it cold-turkey, and the withdrawal was excruciating.
You will start sleeping better, ridding yourself of the need to ingest caffeine to make it through the day. You will relax. You will become a nicer person. And who knows — you may even improve your health.
