People have come and gone out of my life far too many times. My husband came and went, breaking my heart twice. Then Mr. Seemingly Perfect waltzed in on two separate occasions, leaving without so much as a goodbye both times and leading me to believe he was merely a mirage I concocted at my leisure. Let’s just say I’m getting tired of this broken record.I’m typically not fond of change, which could be why I tend to revert back to old ways, old feelings and old lovers. It’s like that favorite pair of jeans in your closest you always wear because it’s the only pair that makes you feel thin and beautiful. Eventually, you realize that pair of jeans doesn’t do what it used to-either because they shrank (at least, that’s what you tell yourself) or because they’ve acquired so many holes that everyone in the general public has spotted your newest Victoria Secret underwear.

There comes a time you have to throw away that pair of jeans and embrace change. If you don’t embrace it, it will sneak up on you anyway. I, for example, changed a lot through my journey to and from Alaska, downhill to my friend’s front yard, where I hurled three times after getting completely and irresponsibly drunk, and back uphill to where I stand today.

I have changed so much that I no longer fit the mold of my past. I’ve also outgrown the people in my past-my ex-husband, Mr. Seemingly Perfect, the little boy I kissed in kindergarten…

Instead of trying to make them fit into my life, I decided to leave the past where it belongs. I needed to clean out my closet and find someone new-a new pair of jeans. And he came when I least expected it.

Call him Mr. Big-not to be confused with Carrie Bradshaw’s Mr. Bigg, of course. He was a friend of a friend, and we met at a club, where we spent the latter half of the night talking.

The relationship with Mr. Big began casually, with little text messages and the occasional phone call. I honestly can’t put my finger on the moment he went from a friend to the guy I was making out with on my couch.

Needless to say, we quickly fell for each other without putting any logical thought into it. It was the first time I fell for someone without first plotting the relationship possibilities in my head.

I will admit that as women, we have a tendency to evaluate every man who walks by. Can we date him? Can we introduce him to our parents? What will our first date be like? Is he husband material? How would our children look? Yes, it’s pathetic, but true. I’ve done this many times-and still do-but I never had to with Mr. Big. The relationship came so suddenly, yet so naturally, that my heart fell before my mind had a chance to put up a red flag.

He is the only guy I’ve been with who didn’t make me feel inadequate or unworthy of his love. I didn’t have to worry where he was or what he was doing. I always knew I was the last thought in his mind before he went to sleep. It was a feeling of comfort so rare that when people find it, they hold onto it tightly-sometimes too tightly.

I don’t know if it was because we rushed into it, if we began to grow apart or if we simply started to see the other’s true colors. But Mr. Big and I experienced trouble in paradise before we even realized we were in paradise. It wasn’t until the arguing and fighting began that we started to appreciate the relationship for what it used to be. But it was too late.

How did I know it was too late? Because the sex stopped…