What’s with this resolution thing every New Year? Everyone around you is all smiling and giddy about the new resolutions they’ve made and are newly following.

There are so many resolutions being made about “being better” and “doing better” you can come to no other conclusion than everyone else around you is really a bad person. So what does that make you?

I say you’re okay. I say the guilt you may be feeling over the past year is simply pressure from the rest of society trying to feel good about itself. Either that or you’re coming down from the serotonin high you self-induced from eating all that turkey during the recent holidays.

Assuming the turkey is completely metabolized by now, you’ll probably feel guilty if you DON’T make resolutions.

But students have enough to deal with at the start of the new semester, so there’s no need for you to make resolutions simply out of guilt.

Try making some guiltless resolutions, like the ones I suggest here.

 Whenever possible, get an extra hour of sleep. It’s good for your complexion, your memory and your longevity. It doesn’t matter if it’s during 2M or 4T class; just get the extra hour.

 Keep up better with the news. You’ll understand why Dan Rather now appears on “The Simpsons” and not on the CBS Evening News.

 Sew missing buttons back on your clothes. And darn your socks in the night when there’s nobody there. Of course, if you see a face in a jar by the door, run.

 Stick to your resolutions. Write them on Post-it Notes – those things stick anywhere. If you’re out of Post-It Notes, use saliva-like any other resolution, at least they’ll stick for a while.

 Watch the FOX prime-time action drama, “Prison Break.” It’s an action-packed metaphor for getting out of college.

 Contribute to Wikipedia. Just like anything else, if enough people do it, the good and the bad will average out. Pretty soon, Wiki-articles will rise to the level of half-truths, and you can begin citing them as references in your assignments.

 Gain height. Someone figured out his or her amount of weight an average college student gains during their freshmen year is 5-25 pounds. This data probably comes from some skinny senior’s research project. Resist the guilt: grow taller instead. If you get taller, the freshman weight will show less. Resort to wearing dark colors, just in case.

 Carefully get some sun. Bone, skin and kidney health depend on Vitamin D, and if you get some sun between cramming marathons, your skin will make some for you. Of course, if your body can make some, then technically it’s not a vitamin. Of course, you don’t see the masses eating liver and onions on Fridays during Lent, despite the fact that liver’s technically not meat. Actually, the more liver you eat, the more Vitamin D your skin can make. So, if you eat liver out in the sun during Lent, you’ve got it made in the shade. Or just stay indoors and drink fortified milk.

 Be nicer to people. Heed the words of Jack Nicholson in “A Few God Men,”: They can’t handle the truth, anyway.

 Be nicer to animals. Free a rat. If it weren’t for them, you might still be a serf.

 Be nicer to plants. Make more carbon dioxide. They love it.

 Spend ten minutes every evening cleaning your room. Before long, your straightening up will outpace your messing up, and eventually you can kick back and spend the 10 minutes contemplating the limit of your room’s function as your cleaning effort approached zero, in effect understanding Calculus for the very first time.

 Try yoga. It’s a great stress-reliever. Add fresh fruit and whole grains. Also, try one of the new brands containing active probiotic cultures of Bifidus regularis, which improve regularity.

 Read at least one non-textbook per semester, just for fun. Facebook doesn’t count.

 Sign your credit card a second time. This time, take a good, fine-tipped ballpoint pen and etch your signature hard into the magnetic strip. This will not only save you money but will also dramatically reduce the chance of identity theft.

 Call your mom more often. Even collect, it’s less expensive on her than doing your laundry and feeding you on weekends.

 Recycle. Anything but words.

 Stop comparing yourself to other students who you think are smarter or more attractive. It will destroy them when they realize it’s all not true.

 Don’t procrastinate. Your grades will improve if you have more time to check your work. Remember that proofreading is not just something to do with whiskey labels.

 Prepare for life after college. The taxes you pay on your income will eventually cover what it cost to send you to a public institution. It’s called the Circle of Life. Ever seen “The Lion King”?

There you go! Now you have some guilt-free resolutions to keep throughout the year. Just in case, however, you might want to note that the Chinese New Year is Feb. 7. Mark the date: It’s the year of the rat.