Valentine’s Day is less than a week away. Great. That means awesome dates, cool presents and a special time for all those romantically involved with a significant other. Blah, blah, blah. I’m sure Valentine’s Day can be tons of fun when you’re happily in love and adore the person you’re with. But for the rest of us, it’s just another freezing cold February day.

Let’s be honest. How many of us 1. have a significant other? 2. actually like the person we’re dating? and 3. have been on a date in the past six months?

If you have answered “yes” to two or more of the questions above, you can probably quit reading. This column may not be for you.

On the other hand, if you have answered “no” to at least one of the questions above, this column could change your life. (Okay, not really, but it sounded good.)

Love can be quite confusing. It seems that there are all these unwritten rules that you have to have a complete comprehension of before you even begin dating.

For example, how do you know if someone is infatuated with you or just a psychotic stalker?

Is it cute or scary that some guy leaves notes (written on fast-food napkins) on all the cars in your driveway, hoping that one of them is yours?

Maybe I’m wrong, but I’m thinking that someone should know you well enough to know what kind of car you drive before that person feels comfortable enough to put notes on all the cars in your driveway.

Here’s a big question – how do you attract someone of the opposite sex?

According to “The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Dating,” (Yes, there really is such a book. I’ve read it, not that it helped much.) you should never whine, blame, compare, pout, holler, complain, be passive or find fault.

What? I consider those some of my most positive personality traits. Hmmm.

Maybe some of the problems we find in dating come from the different interpretations that girls and guys put on the same phrases.

The guy says, “We should get together sometime.”

Girl thinks, “Cool. I think he might be interested. He’ll probably call me in a day or two to get together with him.”

Guy thinks, “I hope I never see her again.”

Really. Guys and girls’ thought patterns run in totally different directions most of the time.

How many of you guys think that girls don’t really eat a lot and aren’t that interested in food? My guess would be that 95 percent of you think that.

Wrong. Most girls love food. Personally, eating is one of my favorite pastimes. Bring me to a buffet, and I’m yours for life.

Maybe all this fuss about Valentine’s Day is silly. Take into consideration the fact that Valentine’s Day originally began with St. Valentine, a Roman who was held in prison and then martyred for refusing to give up Christianity.

I’m not quite sure how that created a romantic holiday filled with roses, sweet notes and dates.

Maybe people turned Roman into romantic and prison into present. Okay, I know that was kind of going out on a limb, but you never know how people can warp history.

Anyway, whatever your Valentine’s Day plans (or non-plans), enjoy the day, but be careful. Beware the darts of Cupid – they’re kind of like a mosquito bite. They sting at first, but if you scratch them, they never go away.