First, it was Green Bay Packers wide receiver Javon Walker, followed by Philadelphia Eagles wide receiver Terrell Owens, and now I have decided to follow in their footsteps and begin my hold-out of The Nicholls Worth workshop. Although my current contract isn’t up yet, I feel I should make my displeasure known much like Terrell Owens has done with the Eagles.

Seriously, how can anyone expect me to show up to work for a mere $5.15 an hour?

My new agent Drew Rosenhaus, whom I hired over the summer, and I have decided that it is best for me not to risk injury and put my sports-writing career in jeopardy until I am completely satisfied with my paycheck.

This summer has been vigorous for me as I have gone all out to keep my form.

To ensure that I show up to workshop in tip-top shape, I have been doing finger exercises such as thumb twitches, index curls and pinky squeezes to go along with occasional remote control clicking to keep my fingers in working order.

I have gone through a tough summer diet, which consisted of two bags of Doritos and a Pop-tart, preferably strawberry, immediately followed by an icy cold beverage, which varied from day to day.

My fellow co-workers believe I’m greedy, but it’s tough when I have to feed this one mouth and have to live at home. It’s never been about me it’s about…well maybe it is all about me.

A writer of my talent should be given the contract he deserves and until The Nicholls Worth decides to give in, I will not be able to show up to work and provide my services, just as Walker has been a no-show in Packers camp.

I may, however, show up at a different workshop for a rival newspaper just to show my face to my millions of fans.

Retirement crossed my mind, but I didn’t want the Ricky-Williams-type image and didn’t want to have people think I’m a complete lunatic.

I am a team player and want nothing but the best for myself and co-workers, but I believe I should be rewarded for my performance in the newsroom last semester (insert tear here).

All that aside, it’s time to move onto a more important subject: the actions of self-proclaimed “star” Terrell Owens.

Now that I’m done griping, I think T.O. should just stop crying and simply play football.

I returned to work despite not getting more money, and I make just a little bit less than Mr. Owens (note the sarcasm in that last comment).

Any athlete who has time to sit around and gripe about only getting paid $7 million dollars should try stepping into the real world with a real-time 9-5 job. Let’s see if he can survive on $5.15 an hour like the majority of today’s college students.

The way I see it is that if the burger boy at McDonald’s can’t threaten to sit out of his job then why should professional athletes be allowed to do so?

I believe in harsh punishment for acts of stupidity just like this. A punishment along the lines of appointing T.O. as the official poster boy for the Gerber Company, a company that is always looking for a crybaby.

If I were in the Eagles shoes I would simply trade Terrell Owens to the Edmonton Eskimos of the Canadian Football League for a moose, a Mountie and 3 pounds of Canadian bacon.

As far as my hold-out ending, I finally came to my senses and realized that I didn’t have to be greedy because I have the looks to make up for it. I fired Drew Rosenhaus and decided to use all the money I saved to treat myself to a nice meal at Taco Bell.