Marie: Didier, I am so distraught. Did you see the press release from Mattel detailing the breakup of America’s favorite couple?Didier: Don’t tell me G.I. Joe left his life partner.

She said: No! Barbie and Ken, this is the worst news since I found out that Santa was not real.

He said: Barbie and Ken? First it was Bennifer now it is Kenbie? I cannot believe we are going to waste column inches discussing the contrived parting of two action figures with no discernable genitalia. Of course she dumped him. Pumps and a bump can be a good thing, but not when you are describing your boyfriend.

She said: Who did she leave him for? Girls have grown up with Barbie as an idol. She can be anything she wants to be, and Ken was there to support her, sometimes taking on similar roles like being a veterinarian. They worked together, and it was insinuated that they were married. They had a house and even a Corvette. What next…division of the assets?

He said: I bet he gets the Halston gowns. The only marriage license he will ever get is a civil union certificate from the state of Vermont. I think Barbie finally woke up to the fact that Ken bats for the other team, and I do not think little girls would rush out to buy “Beard Barbie.”

She said: But does Barbie really have many more options to explore? Sure she has an outfit for every occasion, a few houses, several cars…but only one man, and that was Ken. There is no such thing as more fish in the sea. I think she is probably going to regret this life changing decision. Who else can take his place?

He said: There are many things she can do. She could tackle her unrealistic body image. I can see it now, new “Bulimic Barbie” with finger-gagging action.

She said: I do not think they would stoop that low. Maybe Barbie may gain some weight because of the breakup, but they are making it seem like it was all her idea in the first place. I just wonder who can take Ken’s place. No other name fits so well, and what’s next for little girls, “Broken Heart Barbie” who comes with her own box of tissue, tear jerking chick flicks, chocolate, ice cream and a copy of the latest Cosmo? But, then again, if it was her idea for the breakup, what is he going to do? At least there are her friends Teresa and Midge for him to hit on next.

He said: I’ll bet in two weeks he will be in San Francisco with Carson, Kyan and the rest of the Queer Eye guys dancing merrily to an extended remix of “I will survive.”

She said: But you have to admit that this breakup is more important than the Bennifer one. I mean they did everything together. They were Scarlett and Rhett and even Romeo and Juliet, too many roles and too many years together to just get thrown away. Don’t you think that dreams and aspirations of little girls around the world will be crushed when they finally understand the news? We are talking about pop icons. This is a big deal!

He said: The only big deal I am crushed about is that Apple is giving away 100 million free music downloads with Pepsi purchase, but the only bottles I find around here have some stupid Hornets promotion. Now leave me alone– my iPod is calling.